Can I confess? I’ve had this blog post (just the title, nothing actually written) saved as a draft since March.
It’s definitely September, y’all.
*silence*
…
*crickets*
Even Mark Wahlberg is disoriented.
I’ve been wanting to talk about this topic since MARCH, people. That’s almost enough to send me on an eating binge. Just slide into Whataburger one day and order every damn thing on the menu. Uhhh, lemme I get a uhhh, number 1 through 16, please. All the damn sauces. All dem thangs. Do y’all sell gallons of sweet tea? No? I’ll settle for five large cups of drank then.
TIME IS MOVING AND I AM NOT SO IMA CHICKEN STRIP MYSELF INTO OBLIVION. That’s what I want to do, yes, but I’ll write this blog post instead. My waistline thanks me.
Remember when I posted that video on Youtube challenging us to sit the hell down and figure out what we want to do with our lives? Yeah, me neither. Well, my “checklist lifestyle” (vs. climbing the proverbial ladder of success) makes it hard for me to focus. I know I’m a big idea person. I’m a dreamer. I want to do it all, but since I have no ultimate end-all-be-all goal, I don’t know where to start. I’m often overcome by a sense of what if I miss out on something exciting because I’m doing something else?!?!?.
My job search is half-assed at best. Why? Because I got NYC on the brain. Magical Black Brooklyn is calling my first, middle, and last name with perfect pronunciation. The yearning is real. I’ve come to terms with my desires and I know that I can’t move on with my life until I “do” New York (or it “does” me, nawwmean). I’m restless, emotional (I had my first post-graduation crying session for about 8 minutes last night), and it takes me forever and a half to fall asleep because I’m weighing my options, scolding myself, changing my mind, making pros/cons lists, calculating how much monies I need, how and when should I notify the parental units, and what makes me think I’m good enough to do blah blah blah, etc. etc. to infinity and beyond.
Mi cyan tink straight.
My male parental unit is starting to express concern. Doesn’t want me to get stuck. I wish I was methodical and normal and wanted to get a job at a newspaper/magazine/website and get a steady paycheck and move out, and decorate my apartment with ghetto resourceful crafts off Pinterest, and forcibly pay back the female parental unit for my car (she refuses to take my freelance monies. grrr).
It’s truly my desire to do those things for my well-being and growth. It’s also my desire to do those things for my pride. Full-time employment is a social marker. First comes love college then comes marriage a gotdamn job, right? But I have a chance to travel the world first. I can go back to The Motherland, y’all. The. Motherland. Let me hit the ancient dance of my ancestors right quick –
I’ve been so obnoxiously torn between my desires and my responsibilities that I’ve taken no action. No forward movement. Just stagnant as all hell. Collecting dust. Blink. Blink. Eight months post-college graduation. I can’t believe I just typed that has it really been that long oh god i’m throwing up everywhe–
I remember telling myself “Oh I’ll get a real job after SXSW!”
Then SXSW ended. Didn’t really look for a reporting job. Then I said, “Oh I’ll apply to this program in Phoenix to get my foot in the door!”.
So I did. My foot’s kind of in the door I guess? And now…
I’m here staring at JournalismJobs.com and mediabistro.com searching for a job description that remotely describes what I’m into and actually wants newbies. Even 30 minutes scouring the job listings is draining. What if I don’t find what I’m looking for? Or worse…what if I do? Then I have to make a decision. By going to New York, I’m trading stability and monies for adventure. Granted, working as a reporter guarantees I learn something new and speak to different people everyday, so my “stable” option isn’t exactly a drag. I just don’t want to disappoint my parents, yo. I want to give them something concrete to talk to their friends about when everyone’s chatting about What The Kids Are Up To. I feel like validation comes from other people hiring you, to be honest. Self-starters git no love.
Did I already say it’s almost been one year since I graduated oh no you guys I don’t feel so good all of a sudd–
My stay in NYC would still relate to my field and use the skills I’ve learned over the years, but I need to buy some equipment and figure out some steady freelance opportunities in The Concrete Jungle. WTF is a subway? Is a borough a freakin city or not??? Do they have Targets over there???? So many questions. Some laughable, most not.
I just need to grow a pair (of ovaries) and do the damn thing…right? I don’t necessarily need permission from the parentals, but I would like their blessing. Moving forward and not having it be what you expected is better than not moving at all…right? Why aren’t you answering me?????
I’ve turned in my blog posts and invoices for the week (see – I’m not a total bum! I still keep busy) and once I click publish on this post, I’ll retreat to my room and continue plotting, writing, proing n’ conning. My goal is to clue the parental units on my plans this week. Yeah I know it’s Wednesday already.
No idea what the point of this blog post was, but I’ve released it to the internets now, so maybe someone out there feels the same? Let’s go to Whataburger and be all in our feelings some more.
I understand your difficulty, but I think you’re going abut it the wrong way. You probably should sit down and make a list according to what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. You can’t do that on what your parents want or what things will lok like. You’re young, unmaried, no children, and an adult and that equals a certain freedom. Enjoy it! You have many possibilities but don’t choose them by how much money you’re going to make because you’ll just join the pack of very unhappy emplyed people and you want to happy and employed. Take for someone who’s been there. Keep in mine he takes time to get into the ideal job. You need to beat the track learning about your job, meeting people and most of all networking. I think you have what it takes just don’t be afraid to make mistakes. You can always change to something else and every job is an experience to ad to your knowledge for future jobs. Good luck girl!!! You can do this! The first time I saw you on youtube I could see you have talent. So, get out there and do it! Whatever IT is for you!
Evie in her fe-fe’s lawd!
I can’t relate exactly to your situation. I’m still in college and I work full-time (40hrs) to take care of myself…which in turn means I can’t be a full-time student, which also means I’ll be in school until I’m dead. DEAD! lol That bothers me-not being able to have the freedom to just focus on this essential building block because I got…*gasp* bills! But the essence of it all is that sometimes you can’t have your cake and eat it to…BUT…sometimes you can…BUT…sometimes you can’t?!
You want to be a grown up with a paycheck-it’s a nice lifestyle, being able to have security in that manner. But you also have these aspirations that don’t line up with that exact prototype. In my opinion the whole thing hinges on whether or not you can pull it off on your own or not. However I’m extremely independent-I don’t have the parental unit fallout shelter. I don’t know what I would do differently if I had have had that.
Your parents seem supportive. I highly doubt your mom is looking for the money for the car right away-doesn’t sound like she’s hurting for it. Seems like it was one more thing she wanted to do to give you wings. They raised you-if we can get a glimpse of you are at heart I know they got’s to know. I don’t see them being shocked or dismayed by your approach to life-it actually seems quite natural for you. Of course this is all me assuming-I don’t know the rents but from what you said….
We all want to make our parents proud (even me me with my sucky units) Its in your blood. You can’t take that out, its hardwired. I guess the thing of it is how do YOU measure what makes THEM proud. Do you think that because your dad is concerned is isn’t proud of you? Or because you owe your mom for the car that she isn’t proud of you? or because you don’t have an official tittle they have no reason to be proud of you? All those answers could be yes…but they could also be no. So maybe you should evaluate that, maybe that could relieve some of the pressure. and beyond that…what will make you PROUD of yourself? That’s the biggest ticket cause your parents ain’t/can’t live your life.
Alright, that’s my two cents-go make a green smoothie girl! Chicken strips ain’t food for thought!
Gurl.
I feel my self in a similar situation. I have a job, that is a good stepping stone towards my eventual goals right now but it is just that, a stepping stone. I think if you want to move to New York –then do it!
2012 no regrets! Treat yo self!
At least when its all said and done, you can’t look back and say you didn’t try. Most people regret the things they didn’t do, not the things they did! I wish I didn’t work full time so that way I could work on a variety of projects including personal ones, but I’m confined to this 40 hour work week. Which drains me. I come home, and I don’t want to do anything else.
Figure out your life goals, write them down, and start making the decisions now to move towards them. Don’t worry about your folks, they’re always going to love you no matter where you go, as long as you strive to achieve something! Anything!
Ev,
I think we are twins separated at birth (a bit over dramatic), but that is why we love you so. I have been in your situation and I chose not to go a MISTAKE on my part.
Go to New York….but do it responsibly. Start out small. Do you have relatives or do you know anyone in NY you can go visit for a month or two weeks? Prior to leaving, defer/forbear student loans. Look for as many activities relating to the field that you are interested that will be taking place in NY. Go there and experience NY and the activities. If you still feel the pull of the concrete jungle..then make plans to move. No funds? Start telling the rents and siblings how you would appreciate a trip to NY Journalism festival (or whatever the heck is going on at around the time you want to go) so b-day and Christmas money/gifts should go towards that. Once you have decided to move, see if your parents would want to sell your car and give that $$ to the female parental unit…Or see if they want to give your car to your brother (which will save them from having to but him a car)…You won’t need your car in NY…. Damn it Ev, go to NY!
Option 2, dangerous but doable: Get a journalism job in TX. Do that job for 6 months. Save enough to move. This option is not desirable because you might get new friends, start a routine, get preggers (yes, I went there), get too comfortable and decide to forgo our…I mean your dream. If you go with this option, you can have an accountability partner to send you constant reminders about keeping your eye on the prize/goal of NY.
Now comes the hard part…I have African parental units…infact, I have Kenyan parental units, so I know the pressure (idea) of graduating, finding a job and having their heart swell with pride. I have a feeling that they are proud of your accomplishments regardless. I also suspect that they know your personality well enough to anticipate this announcement….even though they may still resist. Yes, it has been 8 months, so what would a couple more months hurt?…right?
Whatever decision you make….just know we support you. P.S. Step away from the chicken strip!!!!!
XOXO
Petite Diva
I say GO TO NEW YORK CITY!!! Why not??? It’s CRAZY… I’m in the same situation you’re in…well not exactly….I have one more year left of college…..I graduate in December 2013 from nursing school……but I have been DYING to go to NYC….Magical Black Brooklyn to be exact!!……So many dope ass Black people all in one location!!!….It’s crazy…LOL……..Lately I ‘ve been watching so many videos from Jesse Boykins III, Melo-X, Moruf, Mara Hruby, Street Etiquette….damn….who else is apart of the Romantic Movement?….LOL….but yeah…..I know exactly where you’re coming from…..
I’ve recently told my male parental unit that I plan to move to NYC after graduation….he’s of course concerned and worried because NYC and Alabama are complete opposites….but he understands that Alabama (or the South for that matter) is just NOT me….I have to get the HELL UP OUTTA HERE…..ASAP….LOL…..so my dad supports me no matter what…..
I say follow your heart…..you’re only young once…..this is the perfect time….there are so many people in your same situation who move to NYC…it’s the city of dreams… remember?…it’s not going to be easy…..nothing is…..but I feel like you’ll learn so much and meet so many amazing people from all walks of life…..
Far as finances….maybe you could get a little job at home and save up some money for a couple of months and then move….NYC is hella expensive!!….so you’re going to need some change in your pockets…..
But I say……GO TO NYC!!! What do you have to lose? You have you’re entire life to live…..look at as an adventure….a journey…..where you’re learn a thing or two….and meet some cool people along the way…..I can’t wait to make my way to NYC…..I’m ready for whatever NYC has to offer….
I know exactly how you feel! I want to do a million things and not miss out on anything.
I read this book on choosing a job based on personality type (I read self help books for everything) and it told me “yep, your personality type wants to do everything and does nothing” and then told me a bunch of jobs I should do. And I was like “those are all the jobs I want to do!” but it didn’t tell me which one to pick.
And yes, we have a Target in Brooklyn, ha. Go get ‘em!
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